Archive | October, 2012

Decoding your hard coded DNA

19 Oct

Every time I cross the street my IQ plummets a few thousand points. It’s not that I have a death wish. I see a speeding car that has no intention of slowing down at the pedestrian crossing and I decide to cross anyway. Just for the fuck of it really. The rational me knows that the citizens of this town don’t give a shit about traffic laws. They don’t give a rat’s ass about common decency. It’s hard-coded in their DNA. Even if they wanted to, they’re probably physically impeded from doing it. If they could pancake a human being and get away with it, they’d sign up every fucking time.

When my feet touch those damned striped lines, something snaps in my brain. I’ll show those motherfuckers how it’s done I tell myself.  And that’s when the lying starts. It’s a public service I say. It’s for the betterment of the community. Lies, lies, all lies.

The plan is simple. Walk quickly to get to the half mark and wait until they see me. Too late sucker. You can’t speed ahead or swerve around me as I know you want to. I motion with my hands aggressively and force them to slow down. I cross and look at the driver’s eyes and flash her a dirty look. The look that says, you’ve fucked with the wrong pedestrian, Signora. I continue until I get to the other side, taking my sweet time just to piss her off that extra bit. To suck whatever is left of the momentum that had her speeding in the first place. To break her spirit. To ruin her day. To give her a story to talk about when she gets to wherever the fuck she was heading to in the first place that was so damn important, she had to do 70 kilometers in a 40 zone.

When I cross to the other side, I regain my senses. What were you thinking you dimwit? You could have gotten yourself killed just to prove a point. A point that will never be proven really. Because it’s hard coded in their DNA. Yet the next time I cross the street, that cycle starts all over again.

I suppose I am pigheaded. I suppose being pigheaded is hard coded in my DNA.

 

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